Drivable Sculptures

When not pursuing the business potential of his whacky ideas, writing, or crusading against Human Misunderstanding, Inner Lizard’s Lead Inventor and Chief Bottle Washer indulges his four-wheeled character deficiencies. Here are some of his favorites:

FGT right front2005 Ford GT. Approx 1000hp (on 103 octane racing gas / ~850hp on 93 octane pump gas). Currently has about 2950 miles on the odometer. The mods were custom added by Elite Autos, LLC, probably the highest volume (and most highly regarded) Ford GT dealers and restoration specialists in the world. On the linked Ford GT page, there are more pictures of this rolling stealth fighter, and some absolutely stunning photography by OJS Designs. (Still owned.)

  McLaren Sunset2012 McLaren MP4-12C. Savvy tacticians oftimes go to great lengths to conceal their strengths. For many purposes, it’s advantageous to blend with the crowd. Back when I was an Infantryman, we used to poke fun at the occasional, hapless Leader who inadvertently crossed that fine line between “high profile” and “over-exposure”–an error that usually resulted in their (figuratively) getting their head shot off.

But sometimes, to borrow a line from “Risky Business,” you just have to say, “What the fuck.” Sometimes, you just have to spread your plumage. Sometimes, you just want to turn heads or bring a little joy into the lives of those others who, like us, thrill to the sight and sound of a piece of four-wheeled art work. (Sold 04/2014.)

2015-06-18 10.02.39

2008 Porsche 911 GT2. It was really the Porsche 996 GT2 that was originally called the Widow Maker. With a 3.6L H6 engine putting 476hp (470 lb ft of torque) and no traction or stability control, the car could depart controlled driving surprisingly quickly. This one, however, is a 997 GT2. And some would argue that since it does have traction and stability control, and perhaps more importantly, variable-geometry vanes for its turbos (resulting in less throttle lag) it’s not as dangerous a car to push to the edges. Then again, when stock, the 997 GT2 puts out 523hp (and 505 lb ft of torque), and this one has been tuned up to 625hp and over 600 lb ft of torque). And I run with the driver aids off, anyway, so I’ll call it the Widow Maker if I damn well please! (Still owned — and tracked regularly.)

11 Hemi Jeep Rubicon front right

2011 Jeep Wrangler Rubicon Unlimited (Hemi conversion). Sometimes you need to be able to go where your whim takes you…without regard to whether there’s anything resembling a road along the route. In the U.S., when you think of off-road, if you’re serious about it, you think Jeep®, so that’s where we started. Of course, we’re not really serious people, so we immediately set about changing things… (Sold 05/2013 — these days we go muddy places in our (mostly stock) 2013 Jeep Wrangler Sahara.)